And Today..

And today my self hate has increased if that is even possible. I hate myself for not being able to bear the consequences of my actions. What I did, has made me and others around me feel so much pain. 

And today the pain has increased to the point my breathing becomes ragged, my head aches and my legs trembling. Im a mess.

And today I realised how much I have changed. So much has changed me and its not for the better. I might look cheerful and optimistic outside but inside Im just crumbling to pieces. I feel lonely. I keep going to her place, walking around alone for hours. All this while, I have always speculated what is it that makes me feel so depressed when Im alone. And I finally have the answer.

And today I realised when I was just 14, I found someone who sparked something in me that will never, ever die. It dims sometimes, it burns bright sometimes, but one thing for sure, it never goes away. When the flame burns bright, it keeps me going. Personally, as normal person. But this flame, though it keeps me alive, it burns the people around me.

And why? What have I done to deserve this curse? To love without being able to love completely, fully, recklessly and willingly. 

Nuts

Self declaration 

Im going crazy

What else can I say after walking in circles alone today with just a small hope of bumping into you?

If that's not crazy then I don't know what it is. But after today, maybe, just maybe, I know what love is. And the power it has over people that are craving for it. 

Peace

Weekly

Been going to the place that we meet every week. And even I dont't know what I'm looking for. Maybe I'm just hoping for a miracle to happen. After all, if it's meant to be it will be.

Songs

Special tracksss

https://soundcloud.com/elbuueno/why

https://soundcloud.com/elbuueno/alone

From Far

Today 4.20 pm, after months. 

Desires

How do you conquer one's desires? I will be conducting an experiment on how to conquer my desires. I am currently planning to read up on desires and its psychology effects.

Of course, for the past few months, I have been trying to curb this unhealthy desire of mine. And so far, I have failed. Terribly. So, onwards!

Poems 1

11/7
To write is to feel, yet I do not know what I'm feeling.
To cry is to break, yet I do not know why I'm breaking.
To love is to fall, this I know why I'm mourning.
To sleep is to be in peace, this I know why I'm struggling.
To think is to regret, yet I know I should be rejoicing.

12/7
Questions questions questions
Curiousity kills the cat they say,
But curiousity saved man they did not say.
Desires desires desires
To conquer them is to conquer the world,
The world needs to be conquered if it is to harmonise.
Lies lies lies
The bitterest truth is better than the sweetest lie
Yet people are punished for the truth.
The truth better kept as a secret.

17/7
Fights between friends are a normalcy
Or so I have heard
Or so I had just experienced.

But fight between friends are short
Years of friendship bound to heal a minor crack
With abit of humility and maturity
Love will prevail.

Written in the year 2014